Does the idea of “not knowing what to do with your life” ever go away? I feel like since I can remember I have been confronted with this idea of having goals.
As a child we would be told to write them down and somehow I never saw goals as being valuable. “What’s the point?” I would ask my teachers, “Either I am going to do well or I’m not. Having a goal is dumb.” . I still think that to this day; that having some large statement written down is not going to help in any way, shape, or form. Life is going to do what it does no matter what and we make the small decisions that add up to a higher achievement.
Being unemployed for the past six months has really made me confront my ultimate want in life. Should I finish university despite crippling financial status? Should I wait for a job I want and may love or just take something at the mall to make ends meet? Or should I enjoy the time I have a little bit in the mean time? Should I change my path completely and do something totally new?
All of these swim in my head constantly over and over. Swirling into a whirlpool of insecurity and constant second guessing, followed by many a long hour imagining the results of each senario. It’s not a way to live, I’ll tell you that.
I was never one for pouring hours of hard work into something I didn’t truly have a passion for, which I think in many ways is the reason I am stuck. How does one find a passion? What if you don’t have one? I am not a person to live life without passion, so subscribing to the “just get through the day” stuff kills me a little. Should I have to sacrifice loving my life to make ends meet?
I suppose that’s a juvenile way of looking at it. Many people do what they need to and end up loving their lives. Not everyone has the luxury of loving their careers. At what point do you need to stand up for that though? Why do we always have to hate our jobs?
So back to my original question: when will I know what to do with my life?
I have no idea. I may never know.